theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
4 words: hood of his car
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dear god my vagina.
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