I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
