Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
