Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
