Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
