how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
