I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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