If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
