____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
