Your tits are I can't wait for
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
