I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
