these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
