Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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