lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
they're like a gay fantastic four
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
