peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
