morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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