I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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