is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
