if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
