just tell him i said nine months
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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