my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
