Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
