i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
