I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
