i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
