if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
