I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
