um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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