Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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