Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
