There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
