as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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