what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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