well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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