Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
