We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
