She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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