she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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