I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no you cant smoke seaweed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
