Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
