In the future we'll all be gay
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
