Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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