Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
