And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize