why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
