I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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