You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
