in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
