I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
