I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
