He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
