Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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