Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
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Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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