I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
