my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
