we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
