last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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