I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
