I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
