Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drake has all the answers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
