If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
