have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
