you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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