Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
