Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
