I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
