the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
