if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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