Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
