dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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